Reinventing

Many things have changed since I first started this blog. I have also have
completley negleted my blog so i thought with the changes in my life that have
happened, i thought it would be only right to
"reinvent" the blog. I guess an introduction would be the right place to start
( since i deleted all of my old posts and introduction ( except one but ill explaine why
later on in this post)).
Hello my name is Jacqueline ( last name i will not say).I am 19 years old and the reason i have
started this blog to help me find myself since i have no clue who i am anymore. I have been through alot
in my high school years which has caused me to ask myself who am i? who do i want to be?
I also need something to occupy my time, and to vent. I guess a summary of high school would be simply put this way.
Love, Jeffrey ( im only going to mention him in this post, and heartbreak. Basically i fell in love with boy, we got
stupid and we made promises to each other and i was really ignorant and believed in these dreams and basically i got
hurt. But he kept coming back( i gave him 3 trys) Love can only go so far. I also changed to try and keep us together.
But to keep that short, that is why i kept that one blog post. To remind me of what i went through.
So i have explaine why the erasing of posts. And i have introduced myself very simply ( but through time ill be able
to explaine myself better to you as soon as i descover who i am myself. This blog is going to help me. I dont expect anyone to read this...... this is my way of venting and discovery.

Why can't I?

this is more of a rant than anything. I feel sorry for all those about to read this. Every since jeff and i seperated ive never felt more alone. I MISS HIM SOOOOOOO MUCH! i don't remember why i broke up with him. All i think of now is how bad i want him back. he sits by me on the school bus and its soo hard. all i can really say to him is how much i hate him, which is a lie. I want him back so bad , he has no idea how bad. No one does. Everyone is telling me its for the best, and i try to agree but i can't. Everyone says it takes time, well not for me because ive tried to get over him and i cant, why cant I ? you may ask? Well jeff and i were together since october 20, 2006 yep we were together 16 months! SIXTEEN!!! in the beggining he was the cutest boy i ever did see, and he asked ME out! he was so much fun, always was. he would run to my house and we would watch movies. and soon we did everything together.Lol he was my best friend and boyfriend at the same time. We went to prom , his grandparent house, and shopping together. He always made me feel safe and i knew he was there to protect me. Now i am ALONE i look at him and i can only hope one day he will mis me but i know he wont.HES NEVER GOING TO COME BACK, and ive realized that and accepted part of it. By the end of our relationship , i thought HE didn't want me anymore and was just staying with me out of pitty. Thats why we seperated. Probably the most perfict boyfriend i will ever have is gone. BUT that is ok we were only 16 and we probably would have never made it, but i wish we would have stayed together. I miss his smell ( gross i know), his hugs, kisses, cuddles. I miss hearing i love you. What don't i miss. I miss talking to him , i miss talking about him, I hate the fact that he can see other girls, and i hate the fact he doesn't care that i can see other guys. if you are still reading this you probably realized that i am no where close to over him. and i congradulate for making it this far,thank you for caring enough to read this, if you did. I love him and miss him and i know he will never read this. thats probably why i put this on here. I am surrounded by friends yet i feel so empty.i think that is all i have to say i guess.