Why can't I?

this is more of a rant than anything. I feel sorry for all those about to read this. Every since jeff and i seperated ive never felt more alone. I MISS HIM SOOOOOOO MUCH! i don't remember why i broke up with him. All i think of now is how bad i want him back. he sits by me on the school bus and its soo hard. all i can really say to him is how much i hate him, which is a lie. I want him back so bad , he has no idea how bad. No one does. Everyone is telling me its for the best, and i try to agree but i can't. Everyone says it takes time, well not for me because ive tried to get over him and i cant, why cant I ? you may ask? Well jeff and i were together since october 20, 2006 yep we were together 16 months! SIXTEEN!!! in the beggining he was the cutest boy i ever did see, and he asked ME out! he was so much fun, always was. he would run to my house and we would watch movies. and soon we did everything together.Lol he was my best friend and boyfriend at the same time. We went to prom , his grandparent house, and shopping together. He always made me feel safe and i knew he was there to protect me. Now i am ALONE i look at him and i can only hope one day he will mis me but i know he wont.HES NEVER GOING TO COME BACK, and ive realized that and accepted part of it. By the end of our relationship , i thought HE didn't want me anymore and was just staying with me out of pitty. Thats why we seperated. Probably the most perfict boyfriend i will ever have is gone. BUT that is ok we were only 16 and we probably would have never made it, but i wish we would have stayed together. I miss his smell ( gross i know), his hugs, kisses, cuddles. I miss hearing i love you. What don't i miss. I miss talking to him , i miss talking about him, I hate the fact that he can see other girls, and i hate the fact he doesn't care that i can see other guys. if you are still reading this you probably realized that i am no where close to over him. and i congradulate for making it this far,thank you for caring enough to read this, if you did. I love him and miss him and i know he will never read this. thats probably why i put this on here. I am surrounded by friends yet i feel so empty.i think that is all i have to say i guess.